You don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore...

I knew what I had. What I had was something magnificent. I had something that I won't be able to describe. I had something that finally gave me motivation to do the things that I do, but I had to let it go...

A friend once told me, "If you love something, you have to let it go." I let it go, and only then did I realize how important it was to me. Only then did I see how much I actually needed it. Now that I don't have it, I don't have any motivation. I'm barely coming by with school. My friends are noticing that I'm much more quiet. I'm noticing that I don't want to do anything, but lie down. I don't even want to do anything while lying down...

I feel like all of the motivation that I had went with what I let go...

I feel like there's nothing left that I can do...

I feel like my life is hopeless...

I don't even know anymore. For the past few nights, I haven't been sleeping properly. From sleep deprivation, I have been getting stressed more easily than before. From the stress, my performance in everything I do has been going down. I haven't picked up my guitar (when I usually do), school is going down the drain, my acting has been bad, and working out hasn't been happening.

Now I realize how much it meant to me... Now I realize that it has been my motivation... And now, I realize I can't do anything without it...

The New York Yankees
Circle I Limbo

Hipsters
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Democrats
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Republicans
Circle IV Rolling Weights

DMV Employees
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Bill Gates
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

George Bush
Circle VII Burning Sands

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

General asshats
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

Busy Weekend

Well, my dad and my sister came up from LA for the weekend. This whole labor day weekend has been busy for me. Saturday, I went to California's Great America. It was fun and all, but I got really tired. I went straight to bed that night. I tried to stay up, so that I could talk to someone, but I fell asleep.

So the next day, I had this training thing. It was an all day event for me.... I got up at 5 in the morning, and left at 7. It was a 2 hour drive to where I had to be. Almost half the time, we were either picking people's monologues, or thinking of movies to find monologues... It was really annoying, and very boring. Although, I did find out what my true height was. I'm 5'9.5". :D

I didn't get home until 9pm that night. I spent my whole day at that training thing. What makes it even worse is that I couldn't even sleep that night. It was horrible. I couldn't sleep. I was just lying there staring at the ceiling until about 2:30am. I couldn't sleep, and I didn't even feel tired. It was really odd, cause that whole day was tiring for me.

So today, we are going to Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. It's not too far from here. It's only about a 45 minute drive, without traffic. Of course, his is going to be an all day thing for me, as was the rest of the things I did this weekend. I'm just surprised that we haven't left yet. It's already 11:45am and we just started getting ready. I'm probably not getting home until about 9-10pm.

Oh how I hate busy weekends.... ¬.¬

First Day In LA

So today is the first official day here in LA... Yeah I don't count the day I arrive. Ahah Well, morning started out pretty good. Nothing really special. I'm left here at home with my mom. My dad has work, while my sister has some practice thing... I don't know.

So I'm sitting here on the floor, supposed to be reading, while my mom is taking a shower. I don't know if I'll even get through this book...... but I'll finish it eventually. I just hope I finish it on time so I don't get kicked out of AP english. It's my only AP class, and I don't wanna get kicked out of it.

So, now I'm sitting on the floor, blogging, and bored. I'm texting people, chatting on skype, doing random chizz on FaceBook, and staring at the cover of my over-turned book... ._. I should probably get back to reading... Ahah

Yeah, I guess I will. So, what usually distracts you from your work? (other than the internet and cell phone)

My Sever Phobia...

So not too long ago, I encountered my worst phobia... I'm severely arachnophobic. If I come in contact with a spider, I go into a state of shock. I break down. I fall to the ground, shaking, and in fear. If it's bad enough, I tear up. My eyes water and I'm unable to control myself. I freeze up, and everything goes blank in my mind.

So, by not too long ago, I meant a couple hours ago. I'm still shaking as I type this, but it's not as bad as earlier. I couldn't stop shaking, and I was almost crying. I don't know how long I froze there, staring at my hand where the spider was, but it seemed like time went by slowly.

You're probably wondering how it happened. Well, I was reading my book on my bed. I was lying on my stomach, with my stuffed monkey under my chin. My book was on the bed, and I was just reading. I noticed some black spot on my hand and turned to look at it. As my eyes focused onto the black spot, I noticed it was moving. That's when I started to freak out. I suddenly shook my hand away from me, and the spider disappeared. I then stared at the spot where the spider was, and in plain shock.

You're probably thinking that I was just overreacting, but I am severely afraid of spiders. I don't care the size, shape, or how dangerous it is. If it's classifieds as a spider, I am afraid of it.

Well... Now you know about my biggest fear. Do you have any fears? Any phobias? What happens when you encounter them?

Haircut of doom?!?!

I went to the barber shop today to get my haircut. I had to wait about 15 minutes until it was my turn. In that time, 2 little boys came into the barber shop (not at the same time) to get their haircut. I ask for a certain barber, so one of the little boys went up before me. I saw that he was very calm and everything. He didn't even speak.

Then it was my turn, and the other boy also went to a different barber at the same time. As I sat down, I saw in the mirror that the second little boy was going crazy. He was really scared. Throughout his whole haircut, he was screaming in fear. I looked in the mirror the whole time watching him.

Seeing that little boy made me realize how dangerous getting a haircut can be... If you think about it, there are bunch of different sharp instruments getting really close to something very fragile. Your brain is the most important organ in your body, if that's damaged, you cannot function properly. We trust random strangers to use scissors, and other sharp objects close to our head. You don't know the person, and yet you trust him/her/it to get the chance to kill you at anytime? I say that's pretty trusting...

I always cringe every time I get a haircut, or a trim. Even if I know the barber personally, I am never at ease when I see scissors getting really close to my head. Is that normal?

San Francisco Weather...

I will never understand the weather pattern here in San Francisco. Right now, it's really cloudy, but warm enough to not wear a shirt... If you looked outside, you would think you'd need a jacket, but right now, I'm in sweatpants and I'm just fine.

I have been to places where it was outrageously hot, or cold, year round, and I rather be there than to be here in San Francisco. Many people would say "The weather in San Francisco is bipolar," and I would have to agree with them.

You can never understand the weather here... For instance, this one day I was walking home from school. It was nice and sunny. It was warm enough to take off my sweater. I got home and started hearing, what I thought was rain, but was actually hail. I even went outside after to check if it was hail, and amazingly, it was.

I don't know if I can stay here in San Francisco.... This weather annoys the hell out of me... Yesterday was an amazingly sunny day. I loved it. It looked like I was gonna have a repeat weather today, but apparently not.... oh well... I guess I'll have to settle for a cloudy warm day.